nightcure | airlocked cmo post

[honestly it's a minefield of fuckery.]

It's a shocking lesson in 'don't say anything as a joke unless you're prepared to commit to it'.

Or in the fact that everyone I've surrounded myself is mildly insane and refuses to take 'you're being idiots' for an answer.

[ ... he lets out a laugh at that. ]

Would you have it any other way?

...Not a chance.

[ He watches him for a while. ]

They're really important to you, huh.

...I wasn't like you, Noctis. I didn't truly have close companions even when I was still human. [The admission was quiet and came with a strangely serene look on Ardyn's face, Luscinia all but inhaling the last few pieces of space fruit before perching back on his shoulder.] This fractured and broken little family are the first friends that I have ever had.

Were it not for them, I have no doubt I would not be alive right now. Which, surprisingly, is a concept I've grown quite attached to over the past months. There is next to nothing in the universe that I would not do for their sake.

[ He listens--not just to what Ardyn's saying, but how he says it. There's a softness and warmth to his voice that Noctis hasn't heard himself, and he nods. ]

You deserve it. And you're lucky to have each other. [ He sips at his tea. ] I guess that's one thing we can thank these network assholes for, huh?

['Must be a fine feeling, having friends.']

[One of these days, maybe his own voice would stop coming back to mock him at the least opportune times. But it certainly wouldn't be anytime soon, and it would definitely not be today. Ardyn gave a tired laugh and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose like he was trying to ward off a headache.]

...In a sense, perhaps.

We're still gonna beat them down, though.

[ He frowns a little as he flexes his hand. He's been trying in vain to get his powers to work, even though he knows it won't happen. You'd think he'd have gotten used to it, but... ]

Would be easier if I could use my... everything.

It's all still restricted? That's...troublesome, but I can help compensate for some of it should the situation arise. [A pen appeared with a brief flash of familiar white crystals, twirled lightly in Ardyn's hand.] My own abilities remain painfully limited and I can't give anyone else access to the Armiger, but it's enough to get by.

Yeah. I didn't think to ask Blaze to do something before--

[ He cuts himself off with a sip of tea, expression guarded. ]

I've still got my cutlass. And everyone else can handle themselves well. Just would be nice to use the other stuff.

Tell me about it. Luckily we have Nari for an equivalent to black magic, but that's a bit more complicated.

[Ardyn frowned slightly; something about that struck him as odd, and he briefly debated whether or not to question it. But...well, why start making good decisions now, right?]

...What happened to him?

Edited (enter key) 2017-09-26 02:50 (UTC)

She packs one hell of a punch from what I've seen.

[ He hesitates for a second, running a finger along the rim of his cup. ]

I killed him. He was dying. CT screwed up the machine that was helping him live, so... When we found him, he was a wreck. He didn't even put up a fight.

He let me kill him. He wanted me to.

. . .

[And that is the face of regretting he asked.]

...You should be careful. It sounds almost like you're developing a habit of doing that.

[h-ha...ha...]

[ That's the same thing he told Noctis. Funny how that works out. ]

Yeah. Hopefully I won't have to keep on doing it.

Kind of tires a guy out after a while.

I've no doubt it would. [Ardyn hesitated again, well aware he was considering another question he was bound to regret.]

...Could I ask you something?

[ He nods. He's pretty sure he knows where this is going. ]

Sure. Go for it.

...Why.

[It was barely even a question and yet both of them surely knew what it meant, Ardyn already twisting the replica Ring of the Lucii on his hand restlessly.]

After all of that--'Ardyn Izunia' didn't deserve sympathy, least of all from you. Both of us no doubt know that. You who had every right to hate me, who I actively tried to make despise me so you would be able to finish things--I can't understand why you didn't just tell me to go straight to hell along with Ifrit.

I don't...comprehend why not a single person here is willing to condemn me for all I've done, when it was so easy for everyone else-

[Ardyn quickly cut off a sudden bitter note to his voice, pushing that back and locking it away with the rest of the things he kept tightly controlled out of fear of the shadow of an accursed monster still lingering over him. When his voice picked up again, it was calm again, serious but focused.]

...I doubt I ever will. But I have to ask regardless.

[ Even without the elaboration, he knows. Noctis lets out a quiet breath as he thinks about how to answer. ]

Because they saw the person you'd been before betrayal and hatred drove you to madness. Because you lost your memories and regained your humanity. You showed them kindness, and still show them kindness. Kings don't earn Glaives who'd fight for them and die for them just because they're kings.

[ He pauses. ]

... As for me, I spent a lot of time thinking during those ten years. You didn't tell me everything, but it was enough. And Bahamut told me a lot of things, too. Betrayal... it's a hell of a thing. I can't agree with the things you did. I never will. We both know that. But I understand.

And... you were suffering, too, more than anyone has a right to. I wanted to help end it, but also show you a bit of kindness you hadn't seen in thousands of years. Besides, I couldn't rub it in your face that I'd beaten you.

It felt wrong.

...

[Ardyn bristled at the mention of Bahamut, shoulders tensing enough for Luscinia to ruffle her feathers and preen lightly at his hair. Even he couldn't possibly know what had been said between the two of them in the Crystal, but he could venture a guess or two. Damned Draconian, wasn't this all his fault to begin with? Him and Ifrit both; the other four were no better, not even Shiva. Hadn't he done exactly as he'd been asked? Hadn't he fought the darkness exactly as he'd been told the Chosen King would in order to save his people?]

['So you are Chosen after all...but you are a second choice, at best.']

[He folded his arms, fingers curling in the gray fabric of his sleeves in a white-knuckled grip. His voice failed him, and for a moment or two he stared at the table between them as though he were looking straight through it and yet at nothing whatsoever.]

[He deserved a lot of things. Death, mostly. Scorn and ostracization, he'd earned those this time. Yet now none of it would come to the former King of Light, no matter how he insisted upon or outlined every single crime and atrocity he'd committed over the centuries.]

[If he'd been in Noctis' place, if it were the person Ardyn hated above all others facing him under a blighted sky, mercy would not be what he answered with. Fire burned and destroyed as much as it provided light or warmth, and that was the difference between the last two kings of the line of Lucis. One was the light, the other was the flame.]

[At length, Ardyn found his voice again. Not to argue or admit he knew which of them had been the better king and savior, but setting that tangled myriad of emotions and potential responses aside to fill in one small thing in a two thousand year blank space.]

...He was my brother.

[ His brother.

For the second time in two days, Noctis's suspicions about Ardyn are confirmed. First, in the parking lot. Now... it's a hell of a thing to freely say, and Noctis is visibly surprised. His hands tighten around his cup. Noctis can't imagine... he doesn't have siblings. The closest thing he has is the guys, at least back home.

When he was younger, he'd been angry at his dad for keeping things from him. It had stung, felt like a betrayal. But that can't hold a candle to what Izunia did to his brother.

... It makes sense. Noctis isn't happy that he was right about Ardyn mistaking him for his brother this morning. ]

... I'm sorry.

[ He doesn't know what else to say, honestly. Your brother was an ass? I'm sorry for looking like him? Neither one sounds even a little right. ]

[Ardyn shrugged with the shoulder Luscinia wasn't currently perched on, trying to play off the sudden crack in his guard as nothing at all. Nothing of consequence. It was fine, and he definitely wasn't struggling to keep his head out of Angelgard.]

I've long since forgotten if he truly was jealous or if that was just something I convinced myself of along the way. At this point, I'm halfway to wondering if he was right and I was already too far gone to be allowed to continue as I was.

[Even if he was, that didn't change a damn thing. Ardyn couldn't forgive a second of it no matter how justified, and if it was then he found that only made it worse.]

...I suppose it hardly matters; it was an immeasurably long time ago, after all. And you've nothing to apologize for--you certainly didn't ask to be his descendant.

If you're still thinking about it, it matters to you.

[ He says it simply enough, but there's a heaviness to his words. Seems that getting caught up in one's head is a Lucis Caelum trait. ]

But by now, I'm pretty sure anything he thought about you's been blown out of the water. You're human now, not-- [ you know. ] You have a family. A Glaive.

Far as I can tell, you're doing fine.

You're right. I won't lie and pretend I'm no longer capable of being something similar to what you knew me as, but I'm not...that. The immortal Accursed is dead even if the spite and anger isn't.

[Some of which even came back in the bitter tone the epithet was spoken in, for a second.]

...And for that, I owe you my gratitude.

Spite and anger's pretty human.

[ He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. ]

Honestly, you don't have to thank me. But--you're welcome.

Yes, well. I just did and now you have to deal with that.

[ardyn you actual two thousand year old CHILD.]

[(i mean, it's that or talk about feelings and fuck that tbh)]

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